I tend to Wander

I finally went out this semester and it was a blast. I went to happy hour with $3 martinis followed by a fashion show at one of my favorite clubs. It was amazing. I woke up this morning in my underwear not knowing how or when I got home. I do remember a few things though. I had 2 chocolate martinis at happy hour where I chatted up 2 friends for a bit. While we were waiting for a ride to take us to the fashion show, a couple of creepy old men were trying to hit on us and give us a ride (the one that came up to us was even married!). My brother ended up picking us up and taking us to the club where the fashion show was. It was also supposed to be a fellowship event for my service fraternity, but that turned into a flop. There was an open bar and took the liberty of guzzling down 4 vodka cranberries. That's probably when I started blacking out. But we did get into VIP because some girl in my physics class recognized me, and after a while I got it in my head that this guy was sexist and that every one there was sexist, so I walked out and took a cab. My friend calls me back like 10 minutes later and asks me where I am so I had to go back (I felt super bad, I completely forgot about her). That's pretty much all I remember.. My boyfriend said I couldn't even hold a conversation and my brother said I just wanted Mexican food. So I'm guessing I had a good time.. Feels like it!

So it's two days later and no improvement on my weight. Boo. I need the numbers staring back at me from the scale to start decreasing.. Oh well. I guess it would be the lack of self control and the possibility of pregnancy. Would that explain the outbursts and my recent infatuation with food? I hope not. I should probably pick up a test..... My boyfriend is coming to visit in a few weeks, and I don't know how I feel about it (we're in a long-distance relationship). I know I should be excited but for some reason, I have just lost interest lately. I think it might be thanks to my best friend who asked me if he was gay for not wanting to have sex with me (it got me thinking and noticing things; and yea that was a while ago before we did). I figured it wasn't true but lately I've just found him to be in the friend-zone. I hope that's not the case because he is amazing to me, and before I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him. What's up with this? I never wanted those feelings to go away and now they seem to be have evaporated. I think the long distance is getting to me.. Not much else spewing out of my cranium today.

Just Another Manic Monday

It's Monday, and there's never anything to thrilling going on. I'm usually exhausted no matter how much I sleep the night before, but overall I absolutely HATE them. Everything drags, people seem especially annoying and I find it harder than usually to shape my lips into a smile, and yes, other people notice. I actually had someone tell me this morning in the elevator, "Smile, woman! I know it's Monday but that's no excuse for a frown." Little did she know that 9 a.m. on Monday mornings are perfectly good reasons to frown! Ok, not really. But that wasn't really why I was wearing a grimace. It was because I am starting to feel the consequences of my mother trading out my car for my brother's. He wastes all the gas picking up his girlfriend, and therefore further depleting our monthly money supply, he gets upset when I NEED to go somewhere and undermines my stick-shift driving skills (I learned 2 days ago so I guess he has reason, but have a little confidence in a sister!), and I am now trapped on campus until he gets out of class at 10 pm. Oh the joy. I've taken the liberty of using up the study room in the library to take naps, which at times feels like I'm dislocating my shoulder when I sleep on the two chairs I've put together (naps are a necessity to get through my day). I sometimes think I might have a very mild form of narcolepsy because if I don't sleep at least 8 hours, I collapse on the floor. It has happened before and my roommate could not stop laughing at me. I do admit, it had to have been funny from an outside perspective; not as much when one minute I'm walking to the bathroom, the next I'm wondering how I ended up the floor (that should only happen after a night of belligerent alcohol consumption). After my nap, I thought it would be a good idea to have a mocha latte.. The latte caused me to spiral into what I can only describe as a crack-head manic state, which I usually don't mind. It's not such a good idea when I have to do some public speaking for my service fraternity (as if I wasn't already socially awkward enough!). I would have diagnosed myself with social phobia if I didn't know that the caffeine had aggravated my fear of public speaking by causing heart palpitations and profuse sweating. The sweat might have been a good thing since I do want to lose a few pounds, but I could feel it seeping into my clothes. Gross, I know.
But now, I'm sitting in a study lounge at my school waiting for my brother to pick me up and feeling exhausted. I can't wait to get home so I can do my workout! Woohoo! I've been doing this 6-week Summer Fit program on a website that I found and it is absolutely genius! The website is www.bodyrock.tv and its like having a personal trainer for free! I'm hoping it'll work because my boyfriend has made me feel ashamed of my body and I can tell he's not attracted to me physically despite the things he says.. Also, I want to run a marathon (which I've gotten laughs for too). But I'll do it this time.. For all the nonbelievers.

For someone who never has much to say, I do have a lot to write. Until next time I need something to help me procrastinate.

Blog Virgin

I guess I'm officially popping my blog cherry (?).. Sure. Anyways, I thought this might be somewhat therapeutic and so I can keep track of things that are going on. I kind of felt like, still feel like, life is passing me by. I'm only 20 years old and yet I feel like this is not the place in my life where I'm supposed to be. I would like to just fast forward through college to the part where I have a career and can be financially independent. However, there aren't any cool gadgets or super powers that would allow me to do this (thanks Hollywood for making this world seem so mundane at times). Ok, I know it's not so mundane.. After all, I am majoring in possibly the most intriguing thing on this planet (and yet so common): the brain!!!!! Yea, that would be neuroscience and I promise I'm not that much of a nerd. No straight A's (although my dad has made me think that I will be a failure if I don't get them), video games, comic books.. I did mess up my eyes for staring at computers, tvs, and books, and lights (shh).
I don't really know what I'll be blogging about.. Life, art, goals? Maybe fashion if my girly side decides to show up one of these days.. But hey, we'll see.. As for now, I guess that's all I have to say, but I could get used to this :)